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On British Imperialism and Shiny Things
Or, blood diamonds are a monarch’s best friend Britain has a new monarch, and with the changing of the guard, pomp and circumstance are on broad display. For the first time in almost three quarters of a century, the world is about to see a level of pageantry it’s hard to properly describe. Set for… Read more
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The Queen is Dead, Long Live the King
Or, shit, I guess I was wrong about the whole immortality thing It’s an end of an era. Elizabeth Windsor, queen of the United Kingdom since 1952, died yesterday surrounded by family at Balmoral in Scotland at the age of 96. Unless she’s in hiding, still dictating behind the scenes while we’re distracted by royal… Read more
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Olga of Kiev Was a Serious Badass – GUF Edition
Or, LOOK OVER HERE, CLICK BAITY VIKINGS Western culture, especially American culture, is really obsessed with Vikings these days. It’s both annoying, and seriously problematic. I don’t know if the store selling Viking merch is grabbing on to a trend, or trying to recruit Neo-Nazis. It’s something I’m complained about before, and the issue isn’t… Read more
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High Energy Particle Physics and Tim Burton’s Wet Dream
Or, the creepy tale of the Portuguese corpse queen High energy particle physics has the Grand Unified Theory – the GUT. The idea that at a high enough energy, the three gauge interactions of the Standard Model – the electromagnetic, the weak, and the strong forces – become the same thing. Well, I’m going to… Read more
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A Beginner’s Guide to The Crown
Or, apparently Prince Philip is not immortal It occurs to me that we’re now into season 4 of The Crown, with season 5 about to start filming, and I still haven’t addressed this masterpiece of a show. I mean, it’s a show that’s basically written for me. That’s kind of weird, isn’t it? Also, it… Read more
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Who’s the Rightful Queen, Anyway?
Or, a call to restore Mary I and Catherine of Aragon Hey! I’m not dead. I swear, still healthy and alive over here. Or, at least alive. Coping with a global pandemic kind of takes the piss out of life. But, I’m back! So, let’s get on with the geneaology! How do you determine who… Read more
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FREEEEEEDOOOOOOOOM and Other Lies Told to Me By a Raving, Anti-Semitic Lunatic
Or, everything wrong with Braveheart You know what I really like to do? Trash historical movies from the 1990s. Can you guess what movie I’m going to trash this time? I mean, I wrote it right in the title. I’m going to shit on Braveheart. Besides featuring the very odd BDSM fetish of one of… Read more
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MOTHERFUCKING VIKINGS Part I
Or, INCEST. INCEST EVERYWHERE In case it hasn’t been made clear yet, royalty likes to interbreed. Cousins like to marry cousins, and incest is a cherished family value. Prince Albert (Queen Victoria’s husband) was a man who believed that peace in Europe could be achieved by all of his grandkids marrying each other. As a… Read more
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There’s No Such Thing as a Perfect Movie – Except There Is, and It’s The Prince of Egypt
Or, a Jew does Jewy things during a Jewy time You know what’s awesome? Throwing your back out in the middle of a pandemic when you live by yourself and are five feet away from your phone. And by awesome I mean the worst fucking thing ever. After enduring the most painful five foot crawl… Read more
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The Condemnation and Appreciation of the Dreadwolf, Fen’Harel
Or, don’t romance Solas. Seriously. WARNING. THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS MASSIVE SPOILERS FOR ALL THINGS DRAGON AGE. WARNING. I recently attended a rather large gathering of BioWare fanatics where we discussed our favorite romances. Because to be completely honest, what’s the point of a BioWare game if you can’t romance anyone? The topic of Solas inevitably… Read more
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When the Prince of Wales is Actually Descended from the Prince of Wales
Or, the only king I hate more than Henry VII Also, I really like footnotes. When Edward I smashed Wales in the late 13th century, he left behind the beginnings of a massive building project, most of which you can still see today. There are a collection of ring fortresses around Wales, primarily Flint, Rhuddlan,… Read more
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On the Valknut, the Swastika, and Your Moral Obligation to Punch Nazis
Or, Neo-Nazis really, really suck I am Jarl Rhydnara Sveinsdottir. Ok, no I’m not. I’m actually a Jewish engineer Democrat from Connecticut. I’ve been into Vikings since I was a little girl. I made a deal with my parents that when I had my own health insurance, I could get tattoos. So within a month… Read more
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The Wacky Adventures of Charles I
Or, WE DON’T FIND THAT SHIT ROMANTIC, WE FIND IT CREEPY Alright, so we have the young Charles Stuart, future Charles I, even more future headless king of England. We have the Duke of Buckingham, boyfriend of King James I. James has been chatting up the Spanish with the hope of marrying Charles to the… Read more
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Keeping Track of Outlander
Or, my obsession with 18th century fashion Are you like me, totally blown away by all of the amazing, to DIE for dresses on Showtime’s Outlander? Or are you like me, completely distracted by the sexy guys in kilts? Or are you also like me, really confused by all of the guys named Prince Charlie… Read more
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The Curious Case of Catherine Carey
Or, how to annoy the shit out of your friends I recently went to Hershey Park with a few friends for my birthday. One friend in particular told me that he was descended from Thomas West, 3rd Baron De La Warr. Apparently this isn’t the first time he’s told me this, but for some reason… Read more
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In Search of the Ultimate Lancastrian
Or, an attempt to restore the reputation of Mary I I like John of Gaunt. I think he was a pretty awesome guy. He certainly had a huge impact on England, and, genealogically speaking, a massive impact on the world. You know. With his dick. I’ve talked a lot about him, but never his whole… Read more
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Henry VIII Was a Narcissistic Sociopath
Or, basically he was Trump Henry VIII was a narcissistic sociopath. I could write essay after essay about how narcissistic and out of control he was (and many other people have), but instead I chose to focus on the geneology of his marriages. The Catholic Church during the Middle Ages, at least up until the… Read more
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No One Ever Remembers Joan Beaufort
Or, Henry Tudor sucks The main characters: John of Gaunt, Duke of Lancaster Edward of Woodstock, called The Black Prince, Duke of Aquitaine Richard of Bordeaux, future Richard II Lionel of Antwerp, Duke of Clarence Edward of Windsor, future Edward III Edmund of Langley, Duke of York Katherine Swynford Joan Beaufort, daughter of John of… Read more
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And Now, a Brief Introduction to the British Royal Family Tree
Or, the spastic ramblings of a caffeinated, bored, super-nerd I’ve always been interested in British history. I could list off Henry VIII’s six wives since I was ten, and I had the years 1066 (William the Bastard invades), 1215 (John signs the Magna Carta), and 1485 (Henry Tudor defeats Richard III at Bosworth) stuck in… Read more
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It’s been a long time coming…
Thanks for joining me! “Because if you like it, put a ring on it – or if you’re Edward, smash it.” – Rhydnara Sveinsdottir Random medieval history? I got that! Weird factoids about the sex lives of European monarchs? I got that, too! Potentially complicated and incredibly likely boring genealogical charts? Yup. You’ll find that… Read more