• On British Imperialism and Shiny Things

    April 2, 2023 by

    Or, blood diamonds are a monarch’s best friend Britain has a new monarch, and with the changing of the guard, pomp and circumstance are on broad display. For the first time in almost three quarters of a century, the world is about to see a level of pageantry it’s hard to properly describe. Set for… Read more

  • The Queen is Dead, Long Live the King

    September 11, 2022 by

    Or, shit, I guess I was wrong about the whole immortality thing It’s an end of an era. Elizabeth Windsor, queen of the United Kingdom since 1952, died yesterday surrounded by family at Balmoral in Scotland at the age of 96. Unless she’s in hiding, still dictating behind the scenes while we’re distracted by royal… Read more

  • Olga of Kiev Was a Serious Badass – GUF Edition

    February 25, 2022 by

    Or, LOOK OVER HERE, CLICK BAITY VIKINGS Western culture, especially American culture, is really obsessed with Vikings these days. It’s both annoying, and seriously problematic. I don’t know if the store selling Viking merch is grabbing on to a trend, or trying to recruit Neo-Nazis. It’s something I’m complained about before, and the issue isn’t… Read more

  • High Energy Particle Physics and Tim Burton’s Wet Dream

    July 10, 2021 by

    Or, the creepy tale of the Portuguese corpse queen High energy particle physics has the Grand Unified Theory – the GUT. The idea that at a high enough energy, the three gauge interactions of the Standard Model – the electromagnetic, the weak, and the strong forces – become the same thing. Well, I’m going to… Read more

  • A Beginner’s Guide to The Crown

    April 17, 2021 by

    Or, apparently Prince Philip is not immortal It occurs to me that we’re now into season 4 of The Crown, with season 5 about to start filming, and I still haven’t addressed this masterpiece of a show. I mean, it’s a show that’s basically written for me. That’s kind of weird, isn’t it? Also, it… Read more

  • Who’s the Rightful Queen, Anyway?

    November 27, 2020 by

    Or, a call to restore Mary I and Catherine of Aragon Hey! I’m not dead. I swear, still healthy and alive over here. Or, at least alive. Coping with a global pandemic kind of takes the piss out of life. But, I’m back! So, let’s get on with the geneaology! How do you determine who… Read more


    May 12, 2020 by

    Or, INCEST. INCEST EVERYWHERE In case it hasn’t been made clear yet, royalty likes to interbreed.  Cousins like to marry cousins, and incest is a cherished family value.  Prince Albert (Queen Victoria’s husband) was a man who believed that peace in Europe could be achieved by all of his grandkids marrying each other.  As a… Read more

  • The Condemnation and Appreciation of the Dreadwolf, Fen’Harel

    March 29, 2020 by

    Or, don’t romance Solas. Seriously. WARNING. THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS MASSIVE SPOILERS FOR ALL THINGS DRAGON AGE. WARNING. I recently attended a rather large gathering of BioWare fanatics where we discussed our favorite romances. Because to be completely honest, what’s the point of a BioWare game if you can’t romance anyone? The topic of Solas inevitably… Read more

  • The Wacky Adventures of Charles I

    February 6, 2020 by

    Or, WE DON’T FIND THAT SHIT ROMANTIC, WE FIND IT CREEPY Alright, so we have the young Charles Stuart, future Charles I, even more future headless king of England. We have the Duke of Buckingham, boyfriend of King James I. James has been chatting up the Spanish with the hope of marrying Charles to the… Read more

  • Keeping Track of Outlander

    February 1, 2020 by

    Or, my obsession with 18th century fashion Are you like me, totally blown away by all of the amazing, to DIE for dresses on Showtime’s Outlander? Or are you like me, completely distracted by the sexy guys in kilts? Or are you also like me, really confused by all of the guys named Prince Charlie… Read more

  • The Curious Case of Catherine Carey

    January 26, 2020 by

    Or, how to annoy the shit out of your friends I recently went to Hershey Park with a few friends for my birthday.  One friend in particular told me that he was descended from Thomas West, 3rd Baron De La Warr.  Apparently this isn’t the first time he’s told me this, but for some reason… Read more

  • In Search of the Ultimate Lancastrian

    January 22, 2020 by

    Or, an attempt to restore the reputation of Mary I I like John of Gaunt.  I think he was a pretty awesome guy.  He certainly had a huge impact on England, and, genealogically speaking, a massive impact on the world.  You know.  With his dick. I’ve talked a lot about him, but never his whole… Read more

  • Henry VIII Was a Narcissistic Sociopath

    January 15, 2020 by

    Or, basically he was Trump Henry VIII was a narcissistic sociopath. I could write essay after essay about how narcissistic and out of control he was (and many other people have), but instead I chose to focus on the geneology of his marriages. The Catholic Church during the Middle Ages, at least up until the… Read more

  • No One Ever Remembers Joan Beaufort

    October 5, 2019 by

    Or, Henry Tudor sucks The main characters: John of Gaunt, Duke of Lancaster Edward of Woodstock, called The Black Prince, Duke of Aquitaine Richard of Bordeaux, future Richard II Lionel of Antwerp, Duke of Clarence Edward of Windsor, future Edward III Edmund of Langley, Duke of York Katherine Swynford Joan Beaufort, daughter of John of… Read more

  • And Now, a Brief Introduction to the British Royal Family Tree

    September 28, 2019 by

    Or, the spastic ramblings of a caffeinated, bored, super-nerd I’ve always been interested in British history.  I could list off Henry VIII’s six wives since I was ten, and I had the years 1066 (William the Bastard invades), 1215 (John signs the Magna Carta), and 1485 (Henry Tudor defeats Richard III at Bosworth) stuck in… Read more

  • It’s been a long time coming…

    February 17, 2019 by

    Thanks for joining me! “Because if you like it, put a ring on it – or if you’re Edward, smash it.” – Rhydnara Sveinsdottir Random medieval history? I got that! Weird factoids about the sex lives of European monarchs? I got that, too! Potentially complicated and incredibly likely boring genealogical charts? Yup. You’ll find that… Read more

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